Posted by Paradise destination, gorgeous weather in low season, enjoyable water and land activities, swimming with dolphins, snorkelling in green turquoise water, and sea turtles. All going well so far? Flights cancelled, lost layovers, cockroaches for 3 nights, 3 rooms in 2 nights, lost Oura ring, barely 3 chapters read and work hangovers. Welcome to the perfect family holiday. Or at least as perfect as they come.
Embracing the setting
It was our second-year in a row in the Mauritius, different hotel, different coast, different package. As much as you fight it off, it is human nature to compare. The other rooms had this, the other buffet had that, I like this more, I like that more. It probably took us 24 hours to adjust to the new setting and embrace it for what it was and just stop comparing.
By the end of day 2 I stopped wondering if we had done the right thing repeating a location so soon. We were finally starting to be in the present and to be less biased obsessively comparing the goods and the not-so-goods. The kids knew their way around, we finally figured out a la carte dining reservations, we learnt the ritual of getting first-row loungers at the beach and even opened the first few pages of our books. We were all settled, and it was only Monday.
Establishing our flow
Part of a family holiday is to figure out the flow of activities and who wants to do what. I have learnt (from some insightful parenting book or article I can’t remember) that by giving the kids attention on activities they want to do together first helps everyone. How come?
- If you keep delaying these family activities (while you try to read your book after breakfast), they will keep coming, you will keep getting interrupted and they will keep feeling ignored. Annoyance for everyone.
- By having a good time together in the first hours of the day, they feel secure they matter the most and want to explore other things. Happily. And yes, I am assuming these activities will mean a good time for everyone.
- You feel less guilty and you may even call them to go to the water together when they are at the ping-pong table just because you want to hang out with them, not because they nag you 100 times to go to the water.
Slowly, we find our preferences, our latte that is better at the beach bar than in the buffet restaurant, the double kayaks up the river towards the waterfall, the ping-pong table and the volleyball net, the game of Bisca or Uno, each to their books and sudoku puzzles. Yes, even books became part of the flow. I was beaming with pride whenever that happened and probably forgot to focus on my own book at that point, but I digress. Our end of day workouts that left us almost unable to walk but we kept cool, our games of tennis and certainly a fair share of mosquitos. Our unwind time before dinner allowing each the space a family holiday sometimes lacks. Our absolute feeling of completeness at the end of each day.
Discovering new things
A special part of travelling together is to experience new things. However, it is very different to show the kids new things (and preach to them about what you know) and another to truly experience something new together. This year, we swam with dolphins, A former colleague had told me about it, and this year we decided to give it a go. It beat all expectations.
Leaving in the first hours of the morning, picnic baskets in one hand and snorkels in another one, we were still half asleep when we hopped into the boat. It does not take us long to swiftly get ready when we hear from our captain that after all we don’t need to drive for an hour to reach the dolphin bay. The dolphins came to us instead and are just off the coast of the hotel.
What followed in the next hour was a magical experience that I am sure none of us will ever forget (despite my strong memory issues). Swimming alongside a family of spinner dolphins, jumping in and out of the boat non-stop, looking to spot them again and with excitement repeat. When it is 9.30am and your kids are already saying “best-day-EVER” (and you kind of agree), you feel the thrill of excitement and you know you have just created a core memory
“But the really important ones here, I don’t want to get too technical, but these are called Core Memories. Each one came from a super important moment in Riley’s life, like when she first scored a goal. That was so amazing! And each core memory powers a different aspect of Riley’s personality.” – Inside Out
And because it is new for all of us, we are all just absorbing and inhaling our awe. Like in mindfulness, we are all in Beginner’s Mind. Joy is all over us.
Being Connected
For the first few days, it was sometimes difficult to be present. Hubby B had some insane market days, I had a few loose ends to tie, I had a lot in my head after an intense week in London and a few bits at home kept our phones nearby,
In my recent retreat, I have learnt that disconnecting is a myth, because really what we need for our holidays is to connect. Connect to ourselves and others. And as much as we think disconnecting from our phones is the first step, that could be a necessary, but most likely insufficient condition. The benefit is that you break the habit of reaching for your phone in your first moment of boredom or silence and maybe you pick up a book, or a journal, or just stare at the sea and spot a whale in the distance. (ok, I didn’t, but it looks great on paper and they were around that coast that week, so there was a real chance this could happen). The added benefit is that when your kids come to your sun longer, you can finally practice what you preach and not be found staring at a screen again.
Whilst phones play a major role, nothing truly changes unless you are willing to connect. To let your mind wonder but then bring it back to the here and now. To listen to your body and let it sink in the chair or the water of the Indic Ocean. To look around you with curiosity and not judgement. And to ultimately connect to yourself. Disconnected we are all very much already, from ourselves, from others.
Dealing with Setbacks
As in life, holidays have setbacks too, and sometimes quite a few. Despite 3 nights in a row dealing with cockroaches, we still ranked this week as one of the best we have had. And that in itself is a life lesson to all of us. The incidents gave us an opportunity to observe how we get to choose how we react to the imperfections that life will continue to throw at us. To express ourselves when something less good occurs, and no doubt deal with it, but by no means let it put a shadow on the reality of the amazing time we were having.
The other side of having setbacks is how you role model dealing with them. The cockroaches incident took quite a few attempts that ranged from quiet conversations with the manager to a final phone call explaining we were packing to change rooms. Throughout, we could feel the kids eyes on us, observing how we spoke, what we said, which words we used.
Part of the learning is how you deal with issues, another part is how you react to changes in plans or circumstances. With our cancelled flight came the nightmare of a 2am departure, a lost layover and the need for fully new flights that were not connected. As a team, we divided solutions, equated prices and worked through it in a few hours. As the kids tried to shout in disbelief and as the issue got resolved, we took them to the beach for an extra sunset that we originally had not counted on. Magical.
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If someone tells you they had a perfect holiday, they are either lying or lack self-awareness. Or maybe they have learnt a new meaning of perfection, which means just life as it comes. We had an extended family holiday this summer, and each week brought with it moments of joy, sadness, excitement, anger, peace and fights. Each week was just life but on a different place on earth with a key focus- we stayed connected.