Posted by Last week, two special friends from business school came to Lisbon for a mini-reunion turned spiritual retreat. We live in three corners of the world, across very different time zones, yet we manage to stay connected almost daily. More importantly, we have all found time in our fast-paced lives to be with each other and make time stop. And as it stopped, we focused on something we care deeply about, in our own unique but intertwined ways – growth.
Always going on about growth
I know I am always going on about growth. It is no wonder the blog ended up with this name. After all, the ability to grow and develop and the importance of allowing that space to do so in our lives was my original driver. We are constant works-in-progress, with our flaws, our purpose, and our ability to change. It has been a long time since I stopped admiring certainty and perfection (in self or others). Instead, I would rather embrace the ability to navigate discomfort and uncertainty and convert flaws into an opportunity to change. The trigger was no doubt parenting.
I did not always love to fail
As much as I write about the power of failure and learning from our mistakes, I haven’t grown up with a growth mindset. I have grown to value it, but I did not always welcome it. Whilst I was always a hard-working youngster, I am not sure I was proud of any attempts that turned into flops.
As a piano player, I avoided any sort of audience because I was so scared they would spot my mistakes. My parents did not know how having a piano in my room instead of the living room helped me grow this fear further. As a tennis player, I ran away from competitions so I could avoid losing (and winning). My coach never understood how fast I could lose points in a competition format, but be fine in training. Later, as a banker, I excelled in multiple reviews and always found there was an extra piece of work I could do to make everything better. What changed?
Parenting was my teacher
Parenting was my big trigger. As a parent, I was confronted with my own failure daily. It was either accepting I was terrible at motherhood or accepting that every day was a bit of an experiment, and every NEW day gave me an opportunity to try again. Clearly, I went with the second option. I started getting more educated around parenting, I tried different approaches, decided what worked for me, changed my mind here and there, apologised and tried again.
It has not been a smooth ride, but it has no doubt been an enriching one. From parenting, I developed a higher-than-expected capacity to change, question, and develop. From parenting to everything else in my life, I developed a new perspective that it was less black-and-white than before and slowly developed an ability to see shades of grey.
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks
Old saying
Can adults really grow?
Research says it can. The old saying is but a myth that has been debunked multiple times. And it is all thanks to neuroplasticity. This concept refers to the brain’s capacity to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life, with neuroscience demonstrating that the adult brain can indeed remain adaptable and capable of learning. This adaptability allows for the acquisition of new skills, the formation of new memories, and even recovery from brain injuries.
Research has shown that engaging in activities such as learning a new language, practising a musical instrument, or even regular physical exercise can stimulate neuroplastic changes in the brain. Importantly, older adults have been shown to develop new neural pathways when exposed to novel experiences or learning opportunities. So it is not only about learning music or languages (though I have a 400-day-long Duolingo streak to help my case as well!). It is also about adopting healthier habits, changing unhelpful patterns, and adapting behaviours.
A journey of self-development
Before my friends came, I asked them if we could spend some time going deeper into our lives as we enjoyed our time together. Without hesitation, we embraced our vulnerability and were honest with where we struggled and where we needed change. As we expressed our desires for the months and years to come, it was clear that all of us face this life as a journey and are not so fussed about the destination. Despite our over-achieving backgrounds (demonstrated by us being HBS classmates), we have all developed a high sense of self, an awareness of our deepest values and a consciousness of how our lives can align with them.
I have sometimes struggled with authenticity. I recognise I have the luxury to push myself to grow and be a different individual. I also have the immense benefit that every day, there is a little human reminding me of all my flaws and giving me opportunities to do better.
Mummy, you just can’t do anything right!
Little Girl C teases me with an eyeroll. In my early days, that would have made me cry. Now, I mostly laugh with her. And if I have to give it a good cry, I know it is not a dead-end, but rather an opportunity to wash my eyes and take a fresh perspective.
Yes, grown-ups can grow. They just have to want to.
Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich from Pexels