Posted by Just over two years ago, I left a high-speed life of commuting, managing teams and trying to fit everything else in my life. Part of me hoped for a different pace – but part knew that would not come easily. Over the last 2 years, I went through a process of understanding what change I was really looking for. And whether a slowdown was in the cards.
Listen to the AI-generated audio here
A frenzy
The best way to describe where I used to operate, especially in the last 2 years while I lived in Lisbon and worked in London, was a frenzy. I ultimately had reached a state of overwhelm that meant no matter how much I ran (or swam), I was constantly underwater. Whenever something got done, I felt like it was somewhere short (of my expectations), and there was never much respite between things.
I started lacking real time to think or reflect. Some of my most favourite things. I had too many things going on and was trying to reach an unreasonable level of perfection (that was never to be) in all of them.
The avalanche
When I left, I toyed with the idea of a sabbatical. It’s anyone’s easy guess that a sabbatical was unsuitable for me. After years of keeping so much in the back burner—or rather the deep burner—the avalanche of things I wanted to get to was immense. And together with the need to restructure the charity team, what came after that first summer was an avalanche.
Talking to people, reading, learning (listening to books and podcasts), writing, reflecting, experimenting. Trying to never say no. Always responding to a new request with a “why not” mentality. For a while, I was scared to see that my rhythm did not slow (or change), and my ability to pursue some of my goals was still very limited. I also struggled to measure what I was really “doing”.
I was wearing different clothes, but running with the same shoes.
The Portfolio
Reaching an inner agreement with what I really was going to pursue has been a long debate. And, in reality, I find that, as it should be in any portfolio, it is not a fixed time allocation. However, I have never been a big fan of day trading, so I had to focus on defining my “strategic portfolio allocation” (Fund Manager Hubby B would be proud of my lingo now).
What does this strategic portfolio allocation mean? It means there is a set of projects I allocate time to and, for the time being, I am not getting into any other new big stuff, which is hard for someone like me.
But strategy is meant to give you a direction, not a fixed path.
So this also means I get to ebb and flow between the different parts of my portfolio. Some weeks, I will be more business, some weeks I will be more charity, some weeks I will focus on my writing, others I will focus on my teaching. But there is finally a finite number of things I am working on. It was not easy getting here. There are so many small corners I would like to put in emerging ideas.
However, as I momentarily close some doors (or windows), I slowly begin to see my portfolio with more light and clarity. And a greater sense of connectivity amongst the different parts every day.
The Slowdown (that was not to be)
Did it slow me down, you may ask? It did not slow me down. But it did allow me to get some water off my tank. I have come to accept that I run most of the time, part is personality. But I don’t feel I am running in different directions anymore, opposing forces that need to fight over time. I suddenly feel a bit more like a rower on Charles River.
I like the speed in each of my endeavours. I work well in spurts and apply my full mind to each of my little portfolio “clouds” (rather than circles)—but I digress. I like to apply speed to each endeavour, which for me means thought, intention, focus, and energy.
The shape of my speed had changed dramatically over the last years. It is like I was driving a car without a turbo or trying to lift off a jet without a runway. I was hindering myself to not having enough quality speed to accomplish very much or even to feel accomplished, even when I got things done.
I see now that it is not just about speed, but crucially, it’s about the shape of it.