Posted by In a year apart from every other one, at 10 days to Christmas most of my Christmas gifts were done. If you told me I would be in this position on the 30th of November, you would have received a nervous laughter in return. That day, I was close to a nervous breakdown. I sent the kids to the movies with Hubby B and stayed home to prep the Christmas Calendar, finish yet another charity report and get myself in the mood for Christmas. I worked late into the night and the light at the end of the tunnel was dim. I did not think I would get to that spirit after all this year. It seems like I was wrong, and I surprised myself to even have wrapped quite a few gifts, which is an activity usually reserved for 1 am on the 23rd of December. With all this in hand, I feel I can even take stock of this year before the end of the next quarter.
A framework, why not
As I think of asking my charity team to take stock on their year, I feel like it helps to go through a few questions that make sure I do take a well-rounded perspective of the year. Whilst not all questions help for everyone, and not all questions can be answered sometimes, I like frameworks because they are good tools to avoid shortcuts and jumping to conclusions. As you may have noticed, I also like evolving frameworks, so what works for me today, may not work for me the exact same way tomorrow. All in all, what works is to take a moment to really reflect on the year, in whatever shape or form works. Let’s dive right in.
1. If I had to summarize the year in one word, what would it be? Was it aligned with my word of the year?
Resilience. Growth. Grind. Fight. Challenge. Those are all the words that come to mind for me. So if I had to pick one, that would probably be Challenge. Not the one I chose originally – Explore – but exploring is on its own a challenge for someone so structured as me.
Can you summarize your year into a single word? What is the first one that comes to mind when you read this question? Is that aligned with your word of the year, if you defined one?
2. What surprised me most about this year?
For me, this year was relentless. I knew it was going to be a challenging year, especially on the charity front. But it was just relentless. There was rarely a moment to breathe, to reset, to connect. I knew I was going to have a lot to do, I knew I wanted to formally launch my new venture, I knew my expectations were always going to be a bit too high. And still the MVP, aka, the bare minimum I needed to do was still relentless. And tougher than I expected.
What happened this year that you did not expect? Did you react to things differently? Did you feel different from usual? What caused you surprise?
3. What are the 3 things I achieved that make me feel proud?
Luckily, and because of the prior 2 answers, there is a lot that I am proud of this year, so I need to make sure I don’t go to long on it.
- I dd not miss an opportunity to hug my kids, tell them I loved them, find moments of laughter, read a story, play a game. All those moments felt lighter too. I also gave myself permission to carve time out for myself and have my own space without resentment. And much less guilt.
- I rebuilt the charity team, restructured and empowered the local team, launched new initiatives, structured and standardized reporting and metrics and despite putting out a lot of fires, I feel like I have invested in the future of the organization.
- I launched my new venture, putting out there something I have been wanting to do for a long time, giving myself a chance to live my Ikigai.
What makes you smile when you reflect back on your year? Where do you feel you really rocked?
4. What are the 3 things I feel I fell short of my expectations and consider I have failed?
This is one dangerous question for me, especially at the end of the year, where it is so much easier to see what I have not done and harder to recall all that I have done. Failure is a tough word to use, but it is the more realistic one about how we feel sometimes, even if everyone else is telling us it is not a failure.
- I did not learn new things as much as I wanted. I wanted to have read more, do more courses, develop more knowledge in the areas that I am passionate about.
- I did not revamp the fundraising at the charity as much as I wanted. Whilst we have raised a minimum for a year like this, I feel like that is the one area where I should have spent more time but there were just no more hours in the day.
- I did not explore as much as I wanted. For the first part of the year, I always tried to do something in a week I would not have done if I was in my former structured job, but I have let that fade over time. And that meant meeting less new people and expanding my connectivity IRL as much as I wanted to, to push myself out of my comfort zone
What about you, where do you wish you had done differently? What areas feel like you want to make time go back?
5. What was my biggest “aha” moment of this year?
Midst the fight and the ups and downs, this was a year where I really got to know myself. One of the big “ahas” was that my difficulty in going deep in a topic is not exclusively related to lack of time or having multiple things, as I used to believe. I believed that I just had too much on my mind to be able to go deeper into learning or developing a theory.
I came to realize, even with (some) time in my hand, there is still a part of me that wants to move on quickly to the next topic or connect the dots to something else when I am learning a new topic. So I realized that I had to teach myself to focus in a topic before I allowed myself any action or writing about it.
Funny enough, it is not the same when I need to go deep in a topic and getting something done. That I have no problem with, and that was the part that I could not reconcile. Now I understand that when I am learning something, my brain very quickly wants to jump into doing as a way of processing my learning, and I have to pace it.
Did you have a moment where you realized something new about yourself? About someone close to you? About your work?
6. What resources, habits or people helped lifting me up?
I like this question very much, as it is a key one to help people prepare for the next year, as we want to keep up the good habits!
- The practice of gratitude – this must be the one habit that I have not dropped through rain or shine. Whilst I don’t do it daily, I do it for every day of the year as a way to catch up with myself and have quick moments of reflection through the week. It is also a barometer for me to know if I am going out of balance when I haven’t done them for too long. And my sharing gratitude group always reminds me of it, if I don’t notice it myself.
- Workout on the terrace – argh, can’t believe I am including a workout here and it’s not tennis. But the truth is, this year, whenever I started my days with an elliptical workout in the terrace, I felt better about myself and about what I could do, that day and, in general, in life. It felt a small habit that gave me strength, with my sea view is no doubt a major factor.
- Morning phone calls – this is one that took me longer to remember as I tried to choose factor #3, but I am glad I did, because I have been doing this less (blame the audio books). I get caught up in traffic driving back from the kid’s school quite often, so calling friends in London or anywhere in the world at 8.15 am often results in a major morning uplift. Especially when spontaneous.
What brightens your day? What is the thing that you can tell helps you go for longer and happier? What gives you energy and a sense of balance?
7. What challenges or habits brought my energy down?
- Social Media scrolling – to no one’s surprise. I am often too tired to read but feel like I want to do something after putting kids to bed and before sleeping. I am not a TV person so, after my Duolingo I often find myself in social media for way longer than originally planned for. Screen time protections have come back in, but still!
- Unfinished business – this is an odd one, I admit. But having unfinished business that I have already dedicated time to but still not closed it out really bring me down. I feel unwanted hours are spent on it and don’t have an end in sight. This year, that was the case with my UK pensions, the UK charity bank account or even just choosing a new car
- Breaking habits – sounds lame to say that breaking a habit is a bad habit, but it is for me. First, if a habit is good and I break it, like my morning yoga, I miss doing it because it is good for my back and a good way to start my day with time to myself. Second, knowing that I broke the habit immediately triggers me to feel less good about myself and not giving myself a real chance in my day.
What do you feel has drained your energy? What habits that you engage in that at the end of the day you felt like you wanted that time back?
8. What do I wish I did more of?
- Read – it goes with the learning, but in general, I do miss having the ability to read, not just the time to read, but also the ability to focus beginning to end in a book and be absorbed by it
- Write – goes without saying that writing is one of my most favourite habits, and sadly this has not been my strongest year.
- Music – music just cheers me up. In the car, I have taken the habit of listening to audio books or podcast and that has replaced my loud morning singing. Whilst I feel good about the audio books, loud singing is good for some joy, so I have started doing that a bit more when driving with Little Girl C
P.S. – Can I still slot in tennis as #4?
What do you feel you have not done enough of this year? What had you promised yourself you were going to do this year and did not?
9. What do I wish I did less of?
- Procrastinate – I know it is hard to believe whenever I speak about procrastination, as people generally view me as a productive person. I am productive, but I also procrastinated a lot this year, and even wrote about it multiple times! I hate when I catch myself doing it, and have been finding ways to fight back, because I definitely want less of it in my life.
- Freeze – there were a lot of new things going on this year, and with new things comes uncertainty. There were quite a few moments where impostor syndrome took a role. I haven’t had much of it historically, but this was definitely the year for it to come all out
What do you feel has frustrated you during the year? What do you feel like could be out of your life for good?
10. What was the most meaningful connection I made or deepened this year?
I am still slowly rekindling with old friends, making new acquaintances and eventually new friends. As part of it, I am glad I shared an exhibition and dinner with my childhood BFF that allowed me to be slightly more connected to my past and hopeful that just because you have been away for almost 20 years, you don’t have to feel like a side thought all the time.
I also made a good new friend that gave me hope in my ability to still connect and open up to new people as we traveled together in a memorable trip.
What is that special moment you feel like it has changed a relationship with someone, old or new.
Bonus: What would I tell myself if I could go back to 1st January 2024?
Go all in from day 1.
I feel like I told myself “it’s going to be oi a lot” or “take your time” and that has often made me break my consistency and leave things for another day, perhaps even procrastinate. I wish I had told myself to go all in from day 1 and maybe I could have been less intense at times.
What wisdom do you wish you had a year ago?
Taking stock is an important part of closing a year. Many quickly come up with new year resolutions while drinking up champagne and getting the 12 raisins. They are hardly a result of a thoughtful balance that recognizes what you have indeed achieved, and what you would like to change. If you would like to remember these questions for your own reflection, you can print them out here. Also, feel free to add any other suggested questions to the comments below.
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