I woke up in a bad mood today. Can’t quite point what it was, I just did. The sudden back pain I had last night? The things I did not do this weekend? Sleeping later than I wanted on Sunday night? Feeling in the hamster wheel through the day? Being at work when Little Girl C is in her last day of holiday? All of the above. It has been a moody day.
Moody Day 1.0
A moody day happens and for many women they may even follow a schedule. Not the case for me today. As a generally cheerful person it threw me a bit ff guard. From the moment I woke up I knew I was off. I snoozed my alarm clock which I know is rule #1 not to do, I reluctantly did my Yoga and it took me 25 minutes to leave the house after I was ready to go. I forced a good morning when I got in, and then I headed to mistake #2 – late breakfast. Or maybe #3, if I count reading Blindness on the tube on the way in as #2.
Through the day, I just felt it “in my bones”. So I started repeating to myself:
‘It’s ok, you are only in a bad mood’
As if that little only word would solve the problem and concede to it the perspective it needs. I even said it out loud to see if it would just go away. The feeling remained:
- General lack of energy
- General lack of enthusiasm
- General wish I was somewhere else (though unclear where)
- General wish I was doing other things (though too many to know where to start)
But Sara, are you not Superwoman?
No, not really, far from it. Never was or had ambitions of. However, I have ambitions to do so many things! So there are a few times in the year, which typically come un-announced, and un-wanted for sure, where I hesitate in what I am really doing. Today is the day, maybe as I get ready to accept August (and Summer) is over and we are back on the wheel of school and work routine, ensuring the domino is up and running, leaving behind the opportunity of all the things I could do during the ‘low’ summer time and never got to it (including my life in the UK test).
There is always a moment where all this growth comes to a halt. What is it all for? What does it all mean? Yes. I have those questions too. And not always immediate answers, as can be determined by the random route this article is taking. I can have a moody day too.
Take a Step Back
I draw on my therapy lessons and I know I can pull it through. In fact, I have learnt so much about myself and the power our mind and thoughts can have over us. It can feel sometimes overpowering. And the more I write about all I did not do, the more I hear my brain shout out all the others I could do and don’t even make it to my list
- Awareness – I need to recognise what I am feeling. I don’t necessarily need to understand it. In fact, I kept away from over-thinking it through the day. I have now learnt it is not always important to understand right away. I still question some theories and believe I do need to understand the origin at some point, in order to be able to fully accept it. But I know it does not always come straight away, at least not the real answer;
- Distance – I need to make this a thing, it is not me. I am not moody, impatient or anxious. I just have this feeling that something is not right today. It does not mean it is not right. It is just something I am feeling and is passing by as a movie passes by our head sometimes. Or books. No, I am not in some sort of denial stage. But rather I am accepting that I think I feel like this, but feelings can be misleading of reality. It is just a moody day;
- Act – I need to get going. So I avoided email dwindling, short tasks and went straight into something that can take over my brain in the blink of an eye – analytics. Nothing like an excel spreadsheet to make my brain focus on a single thought – the data and outcomes staring back at me. Yes, that is a bit geek of me. But whatever rocks your boat and focuses your mind on action, that is the quickest route to make sure unwanted feelings do not take over your day.
It’s time to reset now. I made it through the day and I was not too bad with the children. No dinner scenes, some hugs and 2 bedtime stories. I know that is only thanks to using the commute home. I started writing this article so I could put on paper what was really happening in my brain (or arguably heart).
The power of writing for me is what allows me to reset. For some people it can be a sport. Or for others a TV program (that Hubby B is trying to get me to watch). Whatever it is, you need that moment in time that allows you to move away and suddenly come back to it in a way that makes sense. So now I have a plan to bring back the sense of accomplishment that lacked in this day, and the belief that I can be Mepic (I learned that this morning mum-epic) again.
- Write this article: it is part of my weekly routine, my values, what I want to do. And it works as therapy. So it ticks all of the boxes for a Monday night!
- Send out Board Advisory invites for UPG, to finally formalize the new board we have created as we continue to improve our strategic direction and activities on the ground. I know I am dreading the potential of failing, and that is probably why I am forcing its creation. But putting this out there will be a strong milestone for me (and us). No fear!
- Close my month: it is part of my monthly routine (yes, so many routines) to finish each month with a list of what I feel I achieved in August. Don’t worry, it is not easy to do or me glancing in awe at the mirror. But it is one of the most important exercises I have learnt to do over the last month. So to make me forget that I lost the book Little Girl C was meant to read for school before tomorrow and the postcard we forgot to send from Portugal, I am going to write down all the fun things we did as a family. And they were many!
- Start a new month: it is September now, and I know it is filled with Back to School endless lists. Amazon can sort some out but not all.
- By the way, if you are using Amazon in the UK for back to school you better be using smile and pick A Little Gesture (or any charity, as long as you pick one). Free money for charity, courtesy of Jeff Bezos. Use it.
Back to script. I know I have a long list ahead in all areas of my life, and I know I am not ready to leave any of them behind for September. I may compromise as it gets to October, so I need to ensure I use the journal to its fullest potential.
Oh, and get a good night of sleep. Sleep always helps. See you on the other side!
Photo by Yoal Desurmont on Unsplash