My word of the year is Explore

My word of the year is Explore. As I morphed from corporate life surrounded by everything else into a portfolio life of everything else, I am looking to redefine, refine, and reimagine my portfolio. After a year that brought light in the form of an opening of a new phase of my life, I am now at peace to explore.

The Light to Explore

Last year, explore was one of the words on my shortlist. I felt like there was more that I wanted to open my arms to, there was more I wanted to embrace (another contender), more that I wanted to imagine for myself, more to discover (with Imagine and discovery also on the race for 2023 word of the year). Whilst all these words pulled me in a direction, the time was not right. The end of 2022 going into 2023 was a difficult, I would dare say dark time. It was a time when I was submerged in physical pain, not yet knowing that it was mostly coming from mental pain (aka stress). It was a time when I was almost back to my dark well not knowing if I would ever be able to keep more than just my chin above the water. Light was the chosen word because light was what I needed. Light was the first step In seeing opportunity, space, peace and finally being ready to explore.

Explore the Limits

In my “old” life, while I acted limitless in my pursuit of multiple activities, it was rarely the time I did not feel limited. A euphemism for suffocated. Funny enough, I spent the first few months of my “new” life applying more constraints than ever before. The feeling that I had to be on a break and the knowledge of my naturally hungry mind determined all I could not do. Until year-end, I was not to engage in new activities. until year-end, I was not to overwork. I could not do too many hours at the charity. I could not be “only” mothering. I had to. I should. The list goes on.

By October. I realised the pressure of braking was eating me alive. Whilst I wanted the nay-sayers that bet me I would not last on a break wrong, I also embraced that my break was going to be on my own terms. Because I was the odd one out. And that was ok. I embraced fewer limits or none at all and dived into a more “why not” mentality. There was just so much backlog from years with real limits on what I could do that I wanted to explore and push limits before defining a new life for myself.

Explore and Dream

We all know I am more of the planning kind. Dreams may show up, but either they quickly turn into an ambition-made plan or they get dismissed based on feasibility. As I enter 2024, I want to dream while holding the fort on immediately springing into action. I am more often than not an action-orientated strategist, where no big vision is left without an action plan. I do however recognise that this ability to turn ideas or thoughts into action, as useful as it has been, can also present its limitations to exploring.

As such, I want to wonder, perhaps walk without a pen in my pocket, perhaps brainstorm and reflect without an end in mind. I can even note down a lot of ideas but put none in a plan of practice, unless the urge is too obvious (clearly, I am giving myself an out as I know my human limitations, but it should be the exception, not the rule). When I started my sabbatical turned portfolio life, I allowed myself a list of things I may want to do, some more practical, some more dreamy. But none had or has a date or plan attached. Just open thoughts and dreams.

Explore and Learn

No doubt learning is something that makes me happy. Learning that makes me think, like when I read a book that I bring into my life. Learning that brings me new skills or deepens my expertise, allowing me to better push or define self-imposed limits. Learning that brings me out of my comfort zone, even if it will never be used other than in the context of expanding my brain. Learning from people around me as a way to deepen connection and get different perspectives. Learning to reduce my insecurity with all I do not know, to reduce any arrogance about what I know, and bring me to space in between of confident humility.

“The curse of knowledge is that it closes our eyes to what we don’t know.”

Thing Again, Adam Grant

Explore and Move

For me, exploring comes along with the notion of movement, of flow. After years of often feeling like I was standing still, no matter how many new things I got involved in, I want to feel life in motion, as I move along, not only as it moves by me.

In the old days, explorers were those moving around the world, by land or sea, to discover what was out there. Now, I don’t envisage buying myself a round-the-world ticket, or by any means increasing my travel (after December being my first month in years without a single flight). I do envisage moving more, physically and mentally. Physically, by being less at the desk sitting still, by being with people, by attending to different things. And also mentally by moving my focus intentionally between things and shifting across the different areas of my life, allowing each to have their own focus and space. No multi-tasking. Focus, ironically, will be key to explore.

Explore and Experiment

I wondered if this title should have said “explore and fall ‘ After all, most experiments fail. No matter how much I have risked at different points in my career, it was often in a controlled environment or within certain limits. To find truth, you need to be wrong multiple times. To find north, you have to get lost a few times along the way. To truly experiment you have to fail too. As I start drawing some early shapes in my Venn Diagram, I know some of them won’t be on target, I know I will look back and wonder how I did it this way. If there is one thing my perfectionism did not stop me, was always be willing to challenge the status quo, and at different times challenge my own way of doing things.

So this is the time to experiment, build new habits, and be open about what works for me and what does not. Learn something interesting and then something dull. Write something that I will be proud of and something I will wonder why I hit publish. Try something great and make a few bad (informed) choices along the way. Trial and Error.

Explore myself

This is the year to discover, imagine, and dream what I am and want to be. It is the year where maybe I do try and write my own bio, my own story that is not attached to what I do, but to what I am. It is the year to face the fears of what I am not or may never be, And the year to garner the courage for what I can and want to be.